Love or marriage, that is the question, ideally every girl would like to have both but as I am seeing more and more weddings happening I am starting to think many women are just choosing to be married, just to say they are married. I get it, their status changes, maybe others will look at them with more respect, and some feel like it’s just the next step in life. Would you choose marriage if you knew your guy was cheating on you, or if you felt that wasn’t the right person? It seems many women are choosing money or status. In the Nigerian community marriage is celebrated with extravagance, who has the biggest wedding and who can do the most! I love attending flashy weddings but what I have noticed is the flashiest couples and weddings are hiding the most secrets. I am not here to put anyone on blast, no, no, no, no, after all you married him or her so you knew what you were getting into before you entered the union and others found out!
I have a friend of mine who does not live in the same city as me; as a matter of fact she doesn’t even live in the same country. She was talking to one of her friends who lives in my city and asked me if I knew a particular person that the girl was mentioning. I said “I did not but have seen her around” she said “well I think she is getting a divorce because my friend (her friend) said she has pulled down all her wedding pictures from Facebook and has been spotted out taking pictures with no ring on”. “Oh really, that doesn’t surprise me in this city” I said “really” my friend replied, I said “yea men cheat left and right bc it’s so easy for them to do so here”. Now I am not saying it’s a Nigerian man thing to cheat (although many that make money feel entitled to do so) it’s a MAN thing to cheat and I am not saying all men cheat. Just so you all do not think I am a man hater because I am soooo not!
The person in question is one part of a popular couple, so when they got married it was a big deal eeevvvery body was at their wedding. I think I may have even crashed this wedding (don’t judge me lol). So even though the wedding was flashy clearly the break up is not (if it’s true). That whole conversation made me think of another situation that a friend was telling me about. Basically someone that she knew very well and knows the wife (then fiancé) saw the guy out with some other chick and knew the chick that the guy was out with. The girl called and asked the girl (side chick) what was up between her and the guy. The girl (side chick) let her know that they had been dating for a while now and had a sexual relationship. I know this is getting confusing lol keep in mind this was not the friend of the girl getting married; this is the friend of the friend to the girl who is getting married (whew). So recap there is the girl who actually knows the bride, that chicks friend saw the bride to be’s fiancé out with a chick she actually knows, called the girl up later to ask her whats up, then went back and told the friend who actually knows the bride to be, which at that point the friend to the bride wanted to say something to the actual bride. GOT IT LOL! Well the actual friend of the bride to be felt compelled to tell her what was going on bc the “side chick” didn’t know she was a side chick. Since the friend of the bride was not the person who actually saw the guy, the two women actually sat the girl down and told her what her man was doing. Obviously the girl was not open to hearing what was being said and cut the two girls off and proceeded to get married to a man who still keeps in touch with the “side chick” periodically. At that point, what is the reason for proceeding with the wedding? If a man is cheating on you that close to the wedding why would he stop ALL OF A SUDDEN once the wedding is over? For me I don’t know if I would walk away, stay, call the pastor, I just don’t know! I hope that story line wasn’t too confusing didn’t want to use names.
I am a firm believer that many of these women know what their men are doing but chose to over look those things because maybe the guy is well off and is providing the luxury and status they are looking for. Some women don’t really care about anything else but that, status, titles, and MONEY so they will put up with cheating and him gallivanting around town with his stripper chicks, side chicks, girlfriends, and the chick they smash on occasion.
I know another woman who is not Nigerian; she is actually Indian married to a black man. Her husband cheats on her left and right and she knows it. Her motto is that her husband makes over 250k a year and if she divorces him all that’s going to happen is some other chick is going to come in and take her place and snatch all the things she has worked for. Keep in mind its not like she is a bottom of the food chain chick she makes about 90k herself. I get what she is saying but I don’t know if I can respect it. I am not married and I am not in her shoes. But it sure makes me wonder what happened to the love aspect of marriage?
I know it still exist, right? I just feel that sometimes the Nigerian community try’s to keep up with the Joneses or keep up with the “Okoye’s” it becoming too much. Should you sacrifice true love for some red bottoms and a trip to Dubai? I think not! As long as no one knows about their man’s infidelity they will keep up appearances like its all good. As soon as his secrets come to light now they want to make a stink about it, but the thing is nothing has changed, he has been cheating on you since day one and you knew that.
Every relationship works differently, some couples have that understanding and that’s what works for them. I guess the thing that puzzles me is, this isn’t the old days. The era of being at a man’s mercy like our grandmothers is over. Women these days are educated and paid very well, the only thing a woman NEEDS a man for is companionship. So why put up with the cheating? Not only are some of these men cheating but they aren’t even trying to hide it.
At the end of the day I can’t sit and judge anyone for what they choose to do. Many things about these on the scene flashy couples puzzle me but its their relationship. I guess I just wonder the mindset of the women that these guys are with, because these women can hold their own. Perhaps these ladies did indeed get what most women desire which is LOVE and Marriage but their husbands are just male ASHAWOS (Prostitutes) !!!!! Like the old saying goes “You can’t help who you fall in love with”.