Yesterday I was involved in a lively group chat on Groupme. My cousin is getting married and his wife started a GroupMe chat for all the asoebi ladies. We talked about this and we talked about that. Keep in mind these ladies are from all over the country. One lady asked “Whats up with the Houston guys (Nigerian guys)? I have thought about moving there but I heard the dating scene in Houston is tough.” This is not the first time I have heard women in other parts of the country talk about the Nigerian guys in Houston. It seems they have made quite a reputation for themselves. I responded to her with “I think if you grew up or went to college here its hard because you may have slept with one guy, maybe two, possibly seen having lunch with 3 (as friends) and someone has seen you and now you are labeled as a ho”
Yup!!! That’s exactly the way it works. There could be a group of guys sitting around and a girl will walk by and the guy will randomly say “Oh yea so and so smashed her” keep in mind the guy that is saying all of this may have never even spoken two words to the girl EVER in his life but he THINKS he knows who she has let in-between her legs.
Women are not exempt from this either. There was/is a girl I know and every time you mention a guys name that is interested in you she knows someone he did wrong, use to date, or he has tried to holla at her. Now if I tell you about a guy that I am into why do I care to hear about him and your homegirl I do not know nor do I care about? Furthermore if I am interested in a guy how is telling me that he tried to “Holla” at you going to help me out? Some womans’ definition of “holla” is suspect. A guy may say oh “Ngozi you are a fine babe you know I am going to make you my wife” and the girl will now walk around with her head in the clouds like “Emeka wants me oooo” NO NO NO he does not want you lol and that’s not hollering. Anyway I digress (I do that often)
The name spoiling has just gotten out of control especially among the guys. The reason I say it’s among the guys is because some guys will go around and ruin a girl’s name because she turned him down. Yes guys lie on their dicks all the time, but if one guy is sitting with another and say “Oh yea I hit that” is the guy that he is telling that to going to go ask the girl “Hey did you and John have sex?” of course not!!! (Negro you ain’t gotsta lie) He will take John at his word and keep it moving scratching that girl off of his list as a potential and also discouraging any of his friends from talking to her as well by simply saying “I heard she smashed so and so” or “I mean you can talk to her if you want to but I mean… I don’t know dude” boom she is done!
A lot can be said for a guy who feels the need to ruin the name of girls he has slept with or just hating on because the girl has not allowed the guy to sleep with her . The worst is when a woman is married and now the guys want to start saying “So did you hear Jennifer is married, dude I use to beat that shit up all time ect ect ect”. Why? Why do you feel the need to comment on that as a man, what is that doing for you? Is it growing your money, is it making your value rise? What is the point? She is a married woman now and you deem it acceptable to speak of her in this manner?
I was involved in a relationship once and the guy explained some things to me because I had a lot of male friends. No I wasn’t sleeping with them, we were just cool. I have never really been the type to hang out with a bunch of women. One day I was collecting donations for a church function we were having, I was on the phone with my boyfriend but I had to stop by my friend’s house to collect the check. It was about 10:45pm and the friend was a guy. My boyfriend knew what I was doing but when I came out he gave me some good advice that I still use till this day. He said “now even though I know the reason you stopped at his house what if his friend happened to drop by? Do you know what they would assume? They would think you are about to smash or you just got done. Then he will go and say something to someone else and so on and so forth”. This could be considered an extreme example but I understood what he is saying and changed my movements and made a point to get more girlfriends in my life I could hang and chill with. I don’t want anyones wife, girlfriend, sidechick, chick he smashes on occasion, or anyone else for that matter to think one thing or another.
Even with all that, the sad truth is guys will be guys and they are going to talk whether its true or not. Some of the girls they talk about are truly whores and others not so much at the end of the day it’s all about how you carry yourself that will make people think otherwise. If you have only HEARD things about someone I implore you to make your own decsion about them before writing him or her off, you could be missing out on the best thing that ever happened to you all because of what one bitter person or person that doesn’t even know them said!
P.S. hating ass females do the same thing. They will say something to a guy about you bc they are jealous or bc they want the guy but can’t get him. So fellas don’t listen when women tell you negative things about other women bc females ALWAYS have an agenda #justsaying